It doesn’t sparkle with me

Apparently, Miley Cyrus hates “Twilight.” 

This raises my opinion of her slightly, though I still kind of want to vomit every time I hear about her. If I had to make a list of 3 things that are currently suffering from overexposure, I would have to say Twilight, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, and the Jonas Brothers, in that order. 

I’m convinced that the world of pop culture is run by a secret society of thirteen-year-old girls. They are probably very similar to the fourth grade girls of Southpark in the episode “The List.” (Thus the fascination with sparkly vampires). How they came into power and where their base of operation is, I don’t know. All I know is they are remarkably successful at pushing their agenda.

Last summer, when the Jonas Brothers reached the peak of their popularity (and when they were on tour), this elite gaggle of 7th graders roped Burger King into promoting the brotherly trio of Disney-manufactured fame. I could not even get a bloody order of chicken fries without having to see their sickeningly sweet faces staring back at me from my paper tray liner.

Now, this fall, the secret society of girls has  again talked BK into promoting a teeny-bopper fad: Twilight. They’re doing Twilight-based burger shot meals, Twilight paper crowns, Twilight-BK gift cards, and other related items. Once again, my chicken fry munching has been invaded by teeny culture. Keep it up BK, and I’ll swear off chicken fries forever.

While Miley Cyrus has not yet made it into BK kids’ meals (mostly because of the Disney-McDonald’s partnership on Happy Meals, I’m sure),  she was in Subway kids meals for a while before she became so ubiquitous. Unfortunately, our mysterious society of little girls has managed to push Miley into Wal-Mart. And I mean ALL of Wal-Mart. She is in the jewelry section, the toy section, the little girls’ clothing section, the posters, the magazine covers, and even the food section. Not only that, but she has her own clothing line in the junior’s department.

Clearly the thirteen-year-old girl culture cult is strong and powerful. They even managed to flood Facebook applications with this trifecta of evil. “Bumper Stickers” and “Flair” are chock full of Twilight, Jonas Brothers, and to a lesser extent, Hannah Montana  quotes, lyrics, and pictures. I think it’s time for older people to reclaim the world of pop culture. Enough of this sugary sweet pop music, and enough about vampires v. werewolves. Can we move on now?


One Response to “It doesn’t sparkle with me”

  1. Simone Says:

    BK had Twilight burgers? That is so strange and … wrong. I can’t believe I missed it.

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