The 2000s: Why the Music Sucked

Rolling Stone declared in a recent issue (Issue 1094/1095, December 24, 2009) in relation to the end of the decade, “The world (and Britney) fell apart, but the soundtrack rocked.”

I do not know what planet the guys and gals at Rolling Stone are on, but it is clearly not Earth, or any other planet that can pick up its radio transmissions, because the soundtrack to the 2000s did not rock. In my opinion, the music industry rolled out some of the most horrible ear-assaults since “Mickey” and “Barbie Girl” during the 00s.

Here is my list of things in music from the 2000s that were simply awful:

1. Emo, Screamo, and all other related subgenres. You are a suburban white kid. Your life is not full of pain. People go through breakups, parents divorce, you don’t get a pony for Christmas. Give your sister her eyeliner back, put the razorblade back in the Xacto knife, stop trying to squeeze into your girlfriend’s jeans, and man up.

2. Disney pop. Dear Disney, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers do not qualify as good music. Please stop trying to create pop stars. Go back to (hand) animating awesome full-length movies, instead.

3. Auto-Tune: It was cool on the first 10 songs that used it. After that, it made you want to rip your radio out of your dashboard and throw it through an intersection. Seriously, T-Pain (and imitators), enough is enough. I’m with Jay-Z on this one.

4. Lil Jon. WHAT!? YEAH! OK!!!!

5. “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Yeah, I bet you forgot about this one, didn’t you? During the summer and fall of 2000, you could not go to a football game, outdoor festival, skating rink, school dance, or other gathering of more than five people where there was music without hearing this terrible, terrible earworm.

6. Madonna continued to make music.

7. The radio overplay of decent songs. Ok, I liked “Fat Lip” by Sum 41 when I first heard it, but due to excessive airplay of this song by my local radio stations, I STILL refuse to listen to it. I even got sick of “Wish You Were Here” by my beloved band Incubus (fortunately I’ve recovered and it’s one of my favorite songs now).

8. Linkin Park. A combination of too much airtime and a progressively whinier front man makes Linkin Park one of the most obnoxious bands of the ‘00s. Plus, they were still hanging on to that weird Nu Metal thing from the ‘90s.

9. Pop stars full of nonsense. Every pop star worth her extensions and glitter had a “wardrobe malfunction” moment, whether it involved flashing some boob or forgetting the panties. Other outrageous behavior included shaving one’s head for no apparent reason, being drunk/coked out ALL THE TIME and continuing to smoke crack despite acquiring emphysema, becoming a lesbian (or not?) and dealing very badly with the break up. 

10. Everyone died. In the 2000s, we lost the following awesome musicians (in order of their deaths): Joey Ramone (of the Ramones – 2001), Aaliyah (2001), George Harrison (of the Beatles- (2001), Layne Staley (of Alice in Chains -2002), Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes (of TLC – 2002), Dee Dee Ramone (of the Ramones-2002), John Entwistle (of the Who – 2002), Dave Williams (of Drowning Pool – 2002), Joe Strummer (of the Clash – 2002),  Barry White (2003), Warren Zevon (2003), Johnny Cash (2003), Ray Charles (2004), Johnny Ramone (of the Ramones – 2004), Dimebag Darrell (of Pantera – 2004), Syd Barrett (of Pink Floyd – 2006), Bo Diddley (blues singer who heavily influenced early rock n roll artists – 2008), Michael Jackson (2009), and Les Paul (single-handedly created the electric guitar – 2009)

Despite all the bad, there was still some good in the Double Zeros, which I will detail in another post.