ENGLISH: Do you speak it, mother fucker?!

Let me preface this post with this statement: I understand that not everyone in the world speaks English as their first language. That would be weird and un-diverse. If I were to go to India, I would not expect most people to understand me if I spoke to them in my native tongue. It is my responsibility as a tourist to learn some basic Hindi so that I can converse with the locals about my basic needs while I’m there.

When I purchase something electronic, such as a computer, that comes with free tech support, I expect that tech support to be USEFUL. When I call Dell or HP because I am having a problem with my computer, I do not want to speak to someone who is on another continent and who speaks Hindi as their first language. If I were Indian and I bought my computer in India and I spoke fluent Hindi, this would be useful. But I bought my computer in the United States, because I am American and I speak English, therefore it is NOT useful.

I don’t know what these companies were thinking when they decided, “Hey! Let’s move all of our customer service for products sold to consumers in the United States to INDIA! That way, when they call all angry and frustrated because their product isn’t working, we can anger them even more by having them decipher their tech support in a thick Hindi accent!” Yes, that sounds like a BRILLIANT plan. And the fact that this kind Indian citizen answers the phone with, “Hello, this is Josh, how can I help you today?” really helps. Do not lie to me. I know your name is not Josh, or Bob, or Sue Ellen. Your name is Rajan or Habeeb or Priyanka.

Please, don’t think me a bad person. I am not mad at the person who answers the phone when I call. Those people are just doing their jobs, which is trying their hardest to help me fix my computer. Sometimes I do get angry because I can’t understand them, but I realize it is not their fault. They are not in charge of HP, and they didn’t move the tech support to a non-English-speaking country. No, my rage is really directed at these companies who outsource their customer support jobs to third-world nations in an attempt to save a buck. Of all the steps in building and selling the computer, customer service should be the ONE THING you DON’T send to Mumbai.